i wondersometimes of i'm living by killing who i am
it crosses my mind at least one time a day and i haveot wonder if there is not a reasion that i think this way.
iyt iis not so mich thati fear losing anything but i feel like who and what i am is not allowed here and this kinda bothers me
i na only hope thati at some point thait will open my eyes and find that thi has all been a bad dream and i am awake now and i have not changed
i was happy with who andwhat i was until i got to this point and it worries me thait feel this way
thisi not normel and thiat i why i bothersz m,e i hide behind things that i beleive in as a way ot distance my self from the others
and that really never bothered me until i realized thairt a sick of hising and iwant soem one ot love me for me and that is alli ever really could ever ask for . i needo t find a way ot make suire thait stay as i wanrt ot o instead of disappering int oth nothing just becasie i have to to be accpeted and that worries me thait would ever thing that ii am as i persio nare not imporent and that others can make me change io who i am just ot make them happy
sometime i wonder if my brain just runs soooo fast thait canlt think
and i wondder if i really am losing my mind or just dying ot live
i thought about iot today, just dying and being gone buth en i realized that you wouyld hate me and that worried me more thet thought of you hating me forever thinking you could have saved me . and so i guess i coukld go the route of murder suicide and that worried nme more b.c i know i woul,d just crap out nad never be able ot go through with it and i could never ask that of you besides. plus there are others ot think about so i stay her sleeping in broad daylight sop so i do not havoe face wjhat i am.
so what is scarier dying or living?
it crosses my mind at least one time a day and i haveot wonder if there is not a reasion that i think this way.
iyt iis not so mich thati fear losing anything but i feel like who and what i am is not allowed here and this kinda bothers me
i na only hope thati at some point thait will open my eyes and find that thi has all been a bad dream and i am awake now and i have not changed
i was happy with who andwhat i was until i got to this point and it worries me thait feel this way
thisi not normel and thiat i why i bothersz m,e i hide behind things that i beleive in as a way ot distance my self from the others
and that really never bothered me until i realized thairt a sick of hising and iwant soem one ot love me for me and that is alli ever really could ever ask for . i needo t find a way ot make suire thait stay as i wanrt ot o instead of disappering int oth nothing just becasie i have to to be accpeted and that worries me thait would ever thing that ii am as i persio nare not imporent and that others can make me change io who i am just ot make them happy
sometime i wonder if my brain just runs soooo fast thait canlt think
and i wondder if i really am losing my mind or just dying ot live
i thought about iot today, just dying and being gone buth en i realized that you wouyld hate me and that worried me more thet thought of you hating me forever thinking you could have saved me . and so i guess i coukld go the route of murder suicide and that worried nme more b.c i know i woul,d just crap out nad never be able ot go through with it and i could never ask that of you besides. plus there are others ot think about so i stay her sleeping in broad daylight sop so i do not havoe face wjhat i am.
so what is scarier dying or living?
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